Hi, folks, this is Larry King ...

It's been a while since my last post ... Come to think of it, it's also been a while since I had a shit! Wait for it ... Wait for it ... Ah, there it is ... I don't know about you, but next Tuesday I'm voting for Garlique -- cholesterol's natural enemy! Seriously though, Shawn and I are voting for the black kid from Chicago, what's his name? George Brett ... When you want something done, let the government take it over. People are too stupid ... Hey, is it just me or does Don Imus look a little bit like an old Robert Plant? ... Have you been watching the World Series? That makes three of you ... I tell ya, I'd like to see a runner-up series between the Dodgers and the incomparable Joe Torre versus Manny Ramirez and the Boston Red Sox ... It'd be great if you could kill your parents in cold blood tonight or something. Give us something to talk about on air besides Joe the Plumber ... Any idea why I wear suspenders? To hold up my pants, of course.

Hi Folks, this is Larry King ...

It's June, and you know what that means ... sweeps! Let's hope we finally find out who killed Laura Palmer ... you know, speaking of Laura, I really feel awful for her father Arnold, it certainly won't feel the same in Latrobe .... this just in — Dr. House on TV's sensational Full House isn't even American — he's Kiwi ... which I always thought was a fruit, not a country... I don't know how he talks with that American accent ... it's an acting magic trick if I ever saw one ... Is it just me, or is Artis Gilmore the perfect candidate for Dancing With The Stars? ... he's got it all ... charm, charisma, grace, and a fantastic hook shot ... I don't care what the media types say, but the Black Eyed Peas sound as good on the radio as they do on the television.

Hi folks, this is Larry King ...

Don't look now, but there's a new Lionel Richie album about ready to drop at any moment ... can R&B get any better? ... I'll be parking cars for charity at the Vons on Fairfax this Thursday night ... don't worry, I'll have a driver ... One NFL scout let it slip that the Minnesota Vikings might just be the team to beat this year ... but I gotta admit I'm really pulling for my Giants ... it seems they haven't won bupkus in about forever ... Is it just me, or was Benjamin Franklin overlooked as a candidate for Mount Rushmore? ... Why is a computer mouse called a mouse when it's clearly shaped like a penis? ... Oops, that must be Shawn's vibrator ... Does Lenscrafters still do eyeglasses in a half an hour? ... seems like an impossible task to me ...

Hi folks, this is Larry King ...

Those Texas Rangers could really use a 'hands-on' skipper ... Billy Martin should come out of retirement already ... Has anyone ever had one of these Chickenturkeyporksticks? They might be the most delicious thing without a crust ... Watch out! My grocery store insider tells me marmalade is primed for a big comeback ... I can't figure out why it ever went away ... The big buzz around Tinseltown is that there's a new Batman movie in the works ... I've got a solution to his global warming problem, email me for details ... If you're out there, Tyne Daly, give me a call ... we've got a lot of catching up to do ... I'm investing in shocks and struts ... Why? Two words: childhood obesity ...

Hi, folks, this is Larry King ...

Why does Friday always seem like the end of the work week? ... I'll tell ya, it's a darn good thing I don't run on gasoline ... Boy, that Dolly Parton still has some big breasts ... If you're asking me, Joe Torre is doing a masterful job with the Los Angeles Dodgers. In fact, the only way he could do any better would be to bring those bums back to Brooklyn! ... Could I get some cracked pepper for my salad ... While I was being driven around the other day, we nearly plowed into a cement truck chute just laying there in the middle of the road! What has this world come to? ... Professional wrestling. I gotta call bullshit on that one ...

Hi, folks, this is Larry King ...

I don't care what the pundits say, Dennis Kucinich will be the next president of these United States ... Is it just me or are Arby's roast beef sandwiches getting smaller? ... Have you seen this ultimate fighting? I watched a little last night after my wife Shawn and I did the nasty ... It pits two guys in a big fenced-in circle. At one point, the combatants were told to go to their corners. They looked at the referee like he had two heads. And not because of too many punches to the noggin, but because they were in a circle. No corners! ... Speaking of corners, I sure do miss Jack Klugman ... Is he dead? I know he had the cancer, but geeez ... What's the big deal about the Pope's visit anyway? He's just the Lord's earthly imposter. That can't be good ... Will rising fuel costs cripple Nascar? I doubt it ... Funny how my hair still grows ... K. Swiss. They're the shoes for me ...